being sad, angry, and... ridiculed

he recently was in a... "fun" drama situation. it'd be fun if he was not the central character. let's say he knew 2 girls, named A and B. everyone was in a same friend group. he befriended B for a while, and thought that they were just good friends. he decided to make a move on A. after some interactions, A told him that she could not allow them to progress as B confessed that B had a crush on him, from some random interactions between B and him. he felt sad as things did not go as he hoped, and both angry and ridiculed of the situation.

7 minutes

he read somewhere that before one really dies, they would have 7 minutes to remember the most memorable moments in their life. somehow, he felt like this short moment with his ex would be one: that time, he was in Saigon, and was sharing an apartment with her; he then got back to the place, and had dinner with her; after the dinner, he laid on her thigh, and felt really peaceful then

he really wondered why he thought of it

uncrushing

he stepped into the dating market again, and it felt... a bit discouraging with all the texting and ghosting and such. he had this lead that he thought would be cool, and had his hopes up, and... it did not precisely became hopeless, but it tired him, if he must admit. his head tried to stop, but his heart could not help but hope and ruminate. he felt very uncomfortable in that state.

why shouldn't you kneel when proposing

because you only kneel on doing other things

tìm em

mấy ngày gần đây gã khá bị "ám" bởi một bài hát tên "tìm em", thể hiện bởi hngle (phát âm là "hưng lê"). khó diễn tả hết điều gì đã "chạm" gã đến vậy. có lẽ nó là một sự kết hợp của cả... âm thanh, lời hát, hình ảnh, câu chuyện từ hình ảnh và lời hát, và nỗi buồn gã nghĩ là đã vơi (nhưng có lẽ mới vơi đi được một nửa?). gã không chắc nó có mang tính thời điểm hay không, khi mà cũng là sinh nhật thứ 29 của gã, nhưng gã đã trải qua nó như một ngày... bình thường, với khác biệt duy nhất là vài lời chúc từ người thân. gã cũng không chắc có phải gã nhớ đến những sinh nhật trước, khi gã còn có một nửa kia, ngày sinh nhật trải qua một cách đặc biệt hơn.

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29

it was my 29th birthday. i woke up to receive some blessings from my family and... it felt fine. it was a bit hard to describe what am i feeling right now. it was not exactly neutral, maybe slightly negative and bored, and even... worrisome.

more on why, let's get into some context: i had been picking up singing. it was fun. daily random practices gave me a place to put my efforts in instead of coding and my career. it worried me that when i come back to my career, i will be missing out on something.

emotion processing

i heard this framework/procedure from my therapist on emotion processing/resolving, and thought that i should write it down for later revision:

1. stop and feel the emotion itself

2. name it

3. find its origin and its message

i think it's generally... good, but what should we do in case we are in a very bad mental state, and we are not, let's say "healthy" enough to apply the steps ourselves? i mean it's like we are stuck under a rock, and need strength to push it out, but the rock itself is weighing down and weakening us.

paradoxes

recently, i felt like everything would come to a paradox or some sort:

• if you say that you are a good person, you will be able to find counterexample(s) that you did something... bad, and thus you are not good anymore

• if you say that you are a bad person, you will be able to find counterexample(s) that you did something... good, and thus you are not bad anymore

• the more you want to be liberated, the more you are trapped with the want of being liberated

• the more you seek the absolute, the more you find that there is no absolute, and the finding that there is no absolute is some kind of... absolute itself

• there is Dao, the absolute pinnacle ultimate origin and explanation of the universe itself and of everything; it means you are created from Tao and all your actions are following Dao already; the fact that people try to tell you about Dao and how to follow it feels... a bit pointless, but it also purposeful in the sense that Tao influenced them to write; squinting hard enough, "purpose" is our own "meaning of life"; in a humanly constructed sense, we can pick whatever lens we want (biologically to survive and reproduce for example); in a Dao-ly constructed sense, there would be no such grandeur, or to continue existing (or not, because even if you choose not to, it's all according to Dao)

• let's say Dao is infinite, and your mind (or at least your time) is finite, so you cannot really "grasp" nor "understand" Dao; you can sort of see its "shadow", or overall shape; however, knowing the shape would not really... affect you nor help you in any way; it does not make you a better/smarter person either; you would still think and reason and act the same "knowing" or not; does it mean knowing Dao is pointless?

xin hỏi đâu là con đường cho ta đi

đó là con đường dưới chân ta

0, 1, infinite

a general way to describe "progresses", similar to how a human was created from "nothing"?