2026-06-21
reincarnation
it means the current "situation"/"emotion"/"state" would be replicated somewhere by someone, not strictly in the sense of life continuing after death?
it means the current "situation"/"emotion"/"state" would be replicated somewhere by someone, not strictly in the sense of life continuing after death?
rồi từng đêm
từng đêm nhịp bước cô đơn
em khóc cho duyên hững hờ
anh chết trong mộng ngày thơ
nghĩa là khúc hát tạm biệt? nó là tên một bài hát mới của tùng. gã ngồi nghe mà chẳng đọng lại được giai điệu hay lời ca, bởi những hình ảnh đang chiếu gợi cho gã đến câu chuyện tình buồn của bản thân.
nhân vật chính bị què, nhưng anh ta vẫn cố gắng gửi đi những mẩu thư nhỏ và những mảnh hoa nhỏ cho người kia. anh ta nhìn thấy cô gái của mình qua một tấm kính trong suốt, nhưng việc nhìn đó chỉ có một chiều mà không có chiều ngược lại. một ngày, có lẽ đã đủ mệt mỏi, anh ta dừng lại. cô gái kia lúc đó mới nỗ lực để thực sự giao tiếp lại, nhưng đã quá muộn. gã thấy nhân vật chính chẳng khác với gã, vốn chậm chạp và lúng túng trong cảm xúc, vẫn cố gắng ở bên nàng. cái kết đổ vỡ cũng chẳng khác là bao. trái tim gã quặn lại, thêm vài giọt nước mắt trực trào.
là thú biết đánh đàn
he thought about "impermanence", a Buddhism's term for the changes of everything. it led him to questioning: can there be something that is "permanence", or doesn't change? he kind of found "death". in the context of humanity or human life, with his limited knowledge, he felt like death is the only thing that would absolutely be there.
he spent like 1 day and a half binging this web novel. it helped him forgetting this loneliness, but when the binging ended, his loneliness was still there. he wondered what should he do to address it. he tried facing it, let the uncomfortable feeling consume him, but it didn't work. his feelings ranged from the usual numbness, to a subtle sadness, to a leaky boredom.
and it was what it was
Hoang is a friend who matches me well "spiritually". i often talk to him, when i feel that the topics that i'm having in my head was... too abstract, or even too personal to be told anyone else. recently, in one of our talks, he made a good suggestion that i should dig my unconscious more. i did that, and whoo, there were many layers of feeling unseen, of shame, and of guilt.
i briefly told him about my secondary school experiences of being bullied, and my high school experience of getting lost in video games, and told him it's a general theme of shame and guilt. somehow, he was relating it to "comparison" in my relationship with my ex, when i felt insecure when she hung out with her male friend (she confessed that she used to have a crush on him, but they became "bros" and the relationship was platonic, but the fact that she hung out at his house, and even drank with him, made me unwell).
he reactivated his facebook account, and clicked at random things, stalked his ex, visited this group, then finally read random posts that are recommended by facebook. it felt... both strange and familiar that using social medias did not bring him much joy. he deactivated his facebook account, then wrote this.
he wondered what was the purpose for this post? he was not sure if he was in pain. maybe it was boredom instead. he asked himself if he was conflating pain and boredom. maybe he wanted to analyze pain. the pain of being lonely. the pain of living. the pain of existing. it swirled, then shot up. he stopped to analyze it. he felt like it happened many times, but today, and the day after, he stopped and looked at it. it was gradually become more familiar.
i was reading this article , which is really thoughtful and well-researched, but i could not help but have questions back to the author, and told him: just don't care. you're trying to save the world using your own power, which is... pointless as the act requires infinity, while you, as a human being, are finite. maybe i was admiring him for being able to voice it out. maybe i thought he was a smart person, and smart people like he and i should give up on the world as it's the "smart" way to live. if i want to give up on the world, the world includes me, and i am giving up on myself, and... we all agree that it isn't good, right?